Hello, FORTRAN, my old friend

Here's the parody I performed with my friend, Kristie, at the ChBE Banquet. I first wrote this back when I was in 305. I appended it to the back of my Homework #3. Anyways, here are the lyrics. If anyone has a recording, please send to me, and I can post it here. KZ has requested a recording, which I might do with Kristie later if we have time.

Enjoy!

Hello FORTRAN, my old friend

I’ve come to code with you again.

Because whenever I use MATLAB,

I’m confined to a computer lab.

Thank goodness for the free, personal edition,

It frees me from,

SDL; it’s a prison

So I start writing line one

With your helpful IMPLICIT NONE.

So I don’t mean to make variables

Because of my careless typos.

But my code, like a faulty engine crashes,

Burns into ashes.

Looks like, it’s a night of Three-oh-five.

In restless dreams I code away,

Hunched over my laptop all day.

Finding roots using Bisection.

It’s too slow, so I use Newton-Raphson.

But my root, it diverges into Hell,

And so I yell:

Looks like, it’s a night of Three-oh-five

And next morning in class, I saw

Maybe 5 people, but no more

Hear the lecture, KZ might reach you

Read this code that he might teach you

But our eyelids, like heavy anvils fell,

We pulled all-nighters

Last night for Three-oh-five

And the students bowed and prayed

To their lab session TAs

We were already on week four.

Homework 2 was still on Charles’s floor.

And on OWLSPACE KZ has posted the next problem set,

He won’t relent.

Here comes, another week of Three-oh-five…